Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:1)No passage has made less sense to me.
Here's what I'm sure of:
*I'm sure that God will provide for every physical need regardless of my income.
*I'm sure that God can heal my body of any ailment, if He so chooses.
*I'm sure that God rules over the spiritual realm, and nothing has any authority that He himself has not granted.
*I'm sure that God wants me to lead with conviction through the counsel and direction of the Holy Spirit.
*I'm sure that God can set His children free from strongholds, to the tune of removing the appetite for that sin when filled with the Spirit.
*I'm sure that God loves me, and knows what is best for my life.
How am I sure of these things? I've seen them. By the definition in Hebrews, this is not a measure of my faith. While these events establish a foundation for truth, my certainty is based in evidence rather than His covenant with me.
The things I hope for seem as distant as ever. The "signs" that encourage my hope have been grossly misinterpreted in the past, thus I place no more faith in signs than in blindness. My mental risk/reward processor has become increasingly conservative. I hope for the restoration of His Bride -- I've endured the rejection from initial "signs" of progress. I hope for the love of a Spirit-filled woman -- every "sign" has been deemed invalid in pursuit of a relationship.
If faith is being certain of these things, I find myself sufficiently lacking. While I'd risk my very life to display the truth of things already seen, I cringe in fear of my historical destitution. Where His Bride has been too eager to respond or my beloved too beautiful to comprehend, paralyzing disappointment has followed. While Satan is fully subject to God's will, he has done a fine job of thieving my hopes: by dividing His Bride and frightening my beloved.
I am in need of very little. With a little faith, I will call His remnant to build a consecrated Body of Christ. With just an ounce, I will pursue my beloved recklessly, in hope that she will see and love the heart beyond my worthless frame. And it has been worthless.
Where does one attain this faith? Abraham was said to hold faith in his hope for God's promise (v. 11), but created his own Ishmael. How do I know when my faith is justified, and when I am filling in the blanks?
It's very easy to determine that I'm doing just that. I can boldly proclaim that I expect the purity of His Bride and the arrival of my wife, but either could be attributed to my own longing. Can I know with certainty that my longings are His longings, when these longings have led to more pain than joy?
Because this is what faith requires. I'm to scour my mind of mankind's free will to reject and abandon. I'm to forget the sting of committed women changing their minds midstream. I must place as much certainty in the revelation of my hopes as I did when I was child. I must believe that my Father will keep His word -- not because He has kept it before, but because He is my Father today.
Real faith has slayed me. All the same, I'm left with nothing else...
I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked, "Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?" Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. You said, "Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me." My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes. (Job 42:2-6)
2 comments:
While reading this, the Holy Spirit kept downloading into my heart Proverbs 3:5-6. Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. I have the tendency to wonder whether or not the things I desire will come to pass, whether or not the things I want to do are of God or my own doing, or whether my prayers are even being heard. The enemy tends to play on my shaky faith causing me to question everything. After a while, I just have to stop living inside my own head and make that decision to trust what His word says. If I delight in the Lord, regardless of my circumstance, He will give me the desires of my heart. He knows my every thought and hears my every prayer. He just wants me to trust Him and allow Him to work out the rest, sight unseen.
This passage always reminds me of something that was said by a wise woman at a conference I attended. She said that 95% of God's will is laid out for us in scripture, along with all of his character. So often, we obsess about the details of the 5%, wondering whether we can hear God correctly, and whether we can truly trust our own desires.
But the truth is, if we are already living in obedience to God's word, He trusts us to make Godly decisions with the 5% for the building of our faith. We can also be confident that if we get a little off the path, He knows our heart and will be quick to rescue us. It's like when we watch a toddler walking for the first time. The child needs to strengthen his walking muscles, but the parent is always present, and will let the child operate within his design to walk, unless it's looking like he might fall.
The same is true for us. The walking is good, and He strengthens us by letting us trust in Him through our willingness to walk in faith and confidence of His Word. But He's always present and quick to save. We have nothing to fear in our walk of faith.
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