It wasn't but three years ago that I was typing these notes on my Facebook account: open access to the hearts of 600+ "friends." I was tagging people in posts that I thought would be personally meaningful, and a few of them generated some rather heated discussion.
Since that time, I've had many conversations with God about purity in my relationships. This entire idea of love not being envious, boastful, proud, rude, self-seeking, or easily angered...God would have us consecrate this area from the commonality of the world as well. It grieves me to recall how often my friendships were all of these things -- and I received the same attitude in return.
I have fewer friends today. In an average week, I probably interact with ten people in which I hold a mutually vested interest and love. I think this is okay. I know the sincerity and care in which my words will be weighed and the sincerity and care in which I will place into theirs. I have friends that pray for me. I have friends for which I pray.
The ministry and mission of Christ will always offer an endless demand for meeting needs, with an underwhelming number of laborers because His road is narrow. I've had to learn the blessing of saying "yes" and the necessity of saying "no."
One of our young adults in St. Louis was offended by the notion that I might have favorites in my life. Many ministers feel the burden to provide equal care to every congregant, regardless of the fruit that is being produced. But Christ himself retreated to His inner circle: not because He didn't love the rest of creation, but because He received the blessing and joy of true, unselfish friendship.
This post is an ode to the handful of laborers that I call friend...
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God, I praise you for blessing me with the love, admiration, and trust of my friends. I want to take time to thank you for:
*Lifelong friends that know what I'm thinking by my expression alone
*New friends that share a similar longing for Your fullness
*Church brethren that listen to my needs and pray for me in my brokenness
*Long-distance friends that I see four times a year, but seem as close as ever
*Childhood friends among whom I first experienced the Gospel
*Divinely appointed friends that enter my life at exactly the right time
*Temporary friends that help me sustain a season of life
*Sisters-in-Christ that encourage my purity and the guarding of my heart
*Spiritual war comrades that share a testimony of victory
*Family that spurred my faith when I was ready to throw in the towel
Friends, you are all so amazingly awesome. I pray that I can be the same blessing to you as you've been for me. Every conversation, written letter, late-night text, and silent embrace is greatly appreciated. Near or far, it's a privilege to share life with you.
3 comments:
I've been thinking this past weekend (before you even posted this) that I'd really like to be a part of that 10. Are there any slots available under "local friends"?
I'm serious, by the way.
Last time we talked, you encouraged me to work at investing with people I already know/am somewhat close to/trust/admire/etc. Those people I let go of just because life got in the way. So when I reflect on who's on the list, and their current situation and availability and goals, and foster kid, well, I would choose you, if you've got any investment slots left. And if you're willing to risk the inevitable damage that will occur. That's what most holds me back. I have been living not so much in guilt but in apprehension of future damage. I drafted a response to you about that, but it's at home.
I'm afraid that if you let me in, you'll end up writing some heart-smashing stories about me, cuz I just think that's gonna happen. So maybe you should say no. But I look at my life, I see the gaps, and I feel compelled to ask.
"And while there is merit and wisdom in the guarding of my heart, a good portion of His anointing is in my willingness to keep throwing it out there."
I have to be honest: short of eventually entering into a marriage covenant, I don't ever see my relationships boiling down to a "yes" or "no." You're asking me to make a decision on evidence as is, and friendship is an ongoing process towards greater intimacy. My best friends have never been those that I have chosen, but those who have shared intimate moments, with one another and with God.
I can't make that happen for us with a decision. Yes, I am given the opportunity to offer my heart or guard it from those who lend access to their own; this is the fear from which God has freed me. But I can't make someone closer to me solely by lending my time.
I know that you're serious, and I know what you're asking. I've been in heavy prayer about this, and my answer is hard:
This is not about you and I at all, or even friendship for that matter. This is about you standing on the edge of a wilderness, and you know that I'm one of the few people who have advanced through it. And maybe God knows that our friendship is a current barrier to Him developing true intimacy with you, because He hasn't given me the clearance to guide you. I am allowed to stand on the other side and shout, "Keep coming!"
I can't discern your motivation, so I don't know what your needs are. And God grants me discernment when I am to walk this segment of the road with others; He's had me serve in that role before. Just don't make this about my "yes" or "no" -- I clearly do not deny people access to my heart or mind. You can choose whether you will step away from your comforts and into the fullness of His Presence.
Anthony, I really enjoyed this post. I don't have gobs of friends but the few I do have are very close to my heart and I am grateful for how they invest in my life and I am joyful to invest in theirs. I focus on quality, not quantity in my friendships and so I take them all very seriously.
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