hope and expectation

This passage has consumed me for a week; God brought this to me in the midst of my disappointment. As much as I love God speaking to me, I can't yet express that I like this passage, in light of it revealing my lack of faith.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed in us. For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God.

For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in the hope that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees?

But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it. In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. (Romans 8:18-27)

It is relatively easy to eagerly await a pleasantly familiar outcome. I can "hope" that God will meet me in worship, or that I will enjoy a sunny day. Looking forward to my favorite meal is only natural, and I always get amped up when I buy tickets for a concert, a baseball game, or our annual Cedar Point trip.

But do any of these require hope? It is one thing to look forward to the events in which I can place an experiential certainty, but it is quite another to await and anticipate the outcome that is less familiar. I have often taken refuge in my desire for His kingdom, but I must ask myself: do I truly long for the revealing of His glory in my eternal state, or is my greater incentive for physical death in the absence of my current pain and suffering?

These are not the same thing. While both involve waiting, to long only for the resolution of suffering brings me no closer to freedom, understanding, and the revealing of His glory. It gears itself towards survival, and becomes frustrated when the outcome is delayed or does not match my expectations.

In contrast, true hope finds treasure (if not pleasure) in the process. I love Paul's metaphor regarding childbirth. Like one in pregnancy, the process of waiting is not without struggle. I am certain there are days when a woman thinks to herself, "Let's be done with this already!" But I've never known a woman desiring a child that didn't also treasure the opportunity to carry the child to term. Mothers understand what is necessary for the development of the baby, and they would not disrupt the process just to produce a quicker result.

Particularly for the first time parent, the anticipation is intense and deeply personal. While she may lack the experience that tells her everything will be fine, the hope for birth is a great enough reward to persevere through the unknown trials.

When it comes to trusting my Father, I often struggle to see His intended glory through the pain. I want to be through it as quick as possible, especially if my expectations and experiences offer me little reason to hope. But this is what hope is: to eagerly await what I have not seen.

But can I be okay with this, should the process hurt, necessary as it may be for my own growth? If God is interested in whatever means are necessary to bring me closer to the likeness of Christ and the restoration of my heart, why do I get so frustrated when my expectations are unmet, yet His purposes have been served? I find that I dare not hope for the deepest desires of my heart, because I end up disappointed when it doesn't happen my way! How do I hope for a life companion, and to be a husband and father, when these pursuits have only brought me pain?

The verse after the passage makes for a cute little reminder on a coffee mug or a family room picture frame. But the person quoting 8:28 is rarely the one in waiting. It is most commonly used to grant solace when we have no logical explanation for why another must endure hardship. But the peace for the hurting lies in the preceding verses -- the ones that remind us that the Spirit awaits with us. And unlike us, He knows what must be accomplished before redemption occurs.

Can I trust that? Can I place hope in Him for the fulfillment of my desires and the restoration of my spirit, when experience tells me differently? I must if I desire to grow through the process. If I wait out the end of my painful circumstances, and have learned nothing through it, I will be subject to this same insecurity over and over again, and I will never allow myself to pursue my beloved in hope and freedom.