getting by on reputation

During my college years, I developed a reputation as being a "nice guy." I think that when we begin to own a particular affirmation in our lives, we are at risk of living complacently. The reputation alone of who people say that we are begins to ring true in our heads. Sure, we often know this to be the case with negative comments. Therapists and ministers have been trying to tell us for years that we brand ourselves with identities based on our negative experiences.

But what about the positive ones?

I read Acts 4, and I can't help but wonder what it must have been like for Peter and John, who while walking in the Spirit began to be identified as those who "had been with Jesus." (v. 13) Thankfully for the early church, the disciples understood how limited they were beyond the work of the Spirit, and Peter and John maintained a willingness to allow God to brand them, not man.

But what if it had gone differently? What if Peter and John had begun to place their qualification and merit in their reputation? After a few years, they could have told the believers anything! Sheep so desperate for acclaimed leadership will follow simply on account of reputation and standing.

As scary as this thought may be, what if I do the same? My old campers often still view me in a certain idealized light, and the woman I went to school with still think that I'm the "nice guy." For example, my best female friend (who I see about six times a year), will continually inform me of what I deserve in a woman, and how thoughtful and considerate I am. But isn't that me ten years ago? It is really easy for me to play that part when I spend twelve hours with someone in a year, but what about those that know me daily? Would any of them affirm this as truth?

And yet I have deceived myself into believing that I am some kind of catch, as if I can be self-righteously justified in passing off every uninterested woman as shallow or misguided. The reality may be, if I am brave enough to face it, that my reputation is a house of cards without a foundation.