I admit, I haven't been thinking straight lately, which only sucks in light of the fact that my mind is usually my greatest asset against the lack of constants. Much of it may be due to lack of sleep, but this isn't for a lack of trying, and I've even stayed away from the coffee at work. :) No, it feels like a spiritual force is at work, and the attacks and sleep-deprivation make it difficult to discern what is God and what is our enemy.
In one way this is encouraging, because when the enemy amps up his game, it usually means something dangerously good is on the brink. I'd just hate to miss His hand through a series of distractions and misunderstandings on my part.
A friend and I are visiting St. Louis next weekend, so maybe something will be revealed within my church family. When I think of Bremen and this house of mine, I do see an asset... for somebody, and God only knows how long it will be before I move back to the city. I could learn to be content with my current position if I fixed my eyes on Christ, but even scripture has been dry for a couple weeks now (I know, I know -- but this is a rare occurrence for me). I'm so anxious for his revelation that I think I'll consume it through all vessels available, and I've probably been a bit inconsiderate to those who've offered even a taste. By inconsiderate, I mean needy... which is comical if you know me, because I'm the guy answering a billion of other people's questions and combing the blogosphere looking to be of service to the confusion of others.
Huh. That sounds a little dysfunctional when I put it that way. :)
Suffice it to say, I'm thankful for y'all and your willingness to offer that drink, whether here or in the real world. I'm thinking this is a foundational step to ministering within a body again, because if I cannot rely on my brothers and sisters to meet my needs, then I am bound to meet theirs in a prouder fashion than what is desirable for the kind of leader God wants to develop. And I am that leader, but there are some scuffs and scrapes that need deep buffing and grinding.
God bless.
2 comments:
Anthony,
You may have moved beyond this by now, but I am praying for you as you get re-acclimated to that phenomenon known as Christ's Body. I've not been there personally, and even those who have won't know exactly what you're experiencing, but I have known others who have been cut off from Body life for a time. I can imagine it's not easy to readjust.
Funny, isn't it, how we love to be independent, but God teaches us to be dependent on Himself by putting us in relationship with others? Keeping to the parallel to the human body, I can't help thinking of us in terms of cells or organs within the much larger whole. My mother has sometimes described herself as a tear duct, and I seem to fit that category too. However God intends you to fit into His Body, I'm sure it won't be easy for you, but He will work it in you.
Micah 6:8
Blessings,
Homeschool Graduate
Tear duct, huh? I could use one of those :) I'm nothing if not an eye.
Thanks for the prayer; it is always appreciated.
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