Based upon the running theme of this space, you may surprised that I have never done an exegetical study on 1 Corinthians 7. I’ll be honest, I feel a little irresponsible for this; perhaps I was subconsciously apprehensive because of what I might find. Having tackled the blemishes of the Corinthian church on numerous occasions, and having expounded upon the finer dynamics of Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3 regarding marriage, my exclusion of 1 Corinthians 7 reveals a subliminal unwillingness to “go there.” So here I go...
Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But this I say by way of concession, not of command. Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that.Mark is a single Christian man in his early 50s. Four summers ago, we discussed his transition from eligible bachelor to single-minded servant of God. He admitted his struggle with unmarried life through his 20s and early 30s, particularly due to the contrast with his wedded peers. A few relationships looked promising, but inevitably, nothing stuck. By the time his late 30s had come around, he found that seeking a wife was no longer a priority. His life was accommodated by the liberties of the single man, and he spent years volunteering in his church’s youth ministry due to the added flexibility. Mark remains on watch for what God is doing in this present generation, and humbly offers elder wisdom for His growing work.
But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.
But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?
Only, as the Lord has assigned to each one, as God has called each, in this manner let him walk. And so I direct in all the churches. Was any man called when he was already circumcised? He is not to become uncircumcised. Has anyone been called in uncircumcision? He is not to be circumcised. Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing, but what matters is the keeping of the commandments of God. Each man must remain in that condition in which he was called.
Were you called while a slave? Do not worry about it; but if you are able also to become free, rather do that. For he who was called in the Lord while a slave, is the Lord’s freedman; likewise he who was called while free, is Christ’s slave. You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men. Brethren, each one is to remain with God in that condition in which he was called.
Now concerning virgins I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy. I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you. But this I say, brethren, the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none; and those who weep, as though they did not weep; and those who rejoice, as though they did not rejoice; and those who buy, as though they did not possess; and those who use the world, as though they did not make full use of it; for the form of this world is passing away.
But I want you to be free from concern. One who is married is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body in spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.
But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter, if she is past her youth, and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin; let her marry. But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will, and has decided this in his own heart, to keep his own virgin daughter, he will do well. So then both he who gives his own virgin daughter in marriage does well, and he who does not giver her in marriage will do better.
A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. But in my opinion she is happier if she remains as she is; and I think that I also have the Spirit of God. (1 Corinthians 7, emphasis added on verse 8)
Regardless of how much clout we give Paul’s opinions, his logic is sound and supported. However, this passage his been a thorn in my side, because I cannot gauge its personal implication. If the life Mark has lived is available to me within the joy of the Lord, I would be grateful to know and exercise that life. Breaking down the “pros and cons” to a fine powder, here is my data:
- Peers (women in particular) regularly share what a fine husband I will make, and have done so since high school.
- The desire to share my love with a woman has consumed an inordinate number of resources: quality time, emotional strength, and finance. Because I believe that love is a choice demonstrated by action, I have worked hard and sacrificed much to love beyond a feeling.
- While these actions are established through the love of Christ poured over my life, it follows that each hour of pursuit is an hour not spent ministering to the lost.
- God has not removed my desire, but neither has He promised me anything. “The faith of Abraham” argument doesn‘t necessarily apply.
- Any such request to remove the desire has been seemingly denied, as best as my spirit can discern.
- This desire has brought me significantly more pain than joy, despite fellow Christians’ insistence (including ex-girlfriends) that I persevere.
- Paul encourages us to remain as he, unless we lack self-control and would “burn with passion” should we remain in our current place.
The two important words in verse 9 are those translated “have self-control” and “to burn with passion.” Both are single verbs in the original Greek manuscript.
- EG-KRA-TEU-OMAI: literally to “seize hold of oneself“ -- to exercise self-control or abstain from something, especially in sexual matters.
- PYR-O-OH: literally to “make fiery hot” -- to burn with desire, be sexually aroused.
What I want to know is whether Paul is excluding a weakness of the heart. Self-control implies a control of action -- even the Greek word in question refers to the act of abstaining. In this, I am blameless; I am in full control of my actions. However, “burning with desire” transcends the physical act of the flesh and penetrates the heart. Would Paul suppose that those who live as he become perpetually asexual, or would he have those that have willfully restrained their flesh at the deprivation of their heart remain single?
For me, this is an important designation without a clear answer. If I’m to assume that the death of my physical iniquity is enough to live for Christ alone, by all means this appears the best way for me. The remainder of my marital support is courtesy of those that feel I‘m worthy of this blessing (myself included), but not for the sake of my ministry and service to Him. On the other hand, if I’m expected to commit to celibacy only with the absence of my heart‘s sexual desire, I’m left between a rock and a hard place. We no longer live in a culture where my internal desire is nurtured by a decision to marry. Any number could easily say no. Should I remain relentlessly available for the sheer potential of a relationship, I am no less divided than those Paul urges to marry, save the actual blessing designed to free me from the desire. This appears to be the worst of both worlds, and we haven’t a modern day solution relating to Paul’s suggestion.
The best I can pray is that the heart ultimately simmers through the willful neglect of the eyes, ears, nose, mouth, and hands. And I pray it doesn’t take long.
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