flesh

In the psych world, they refer to them as "self-defeating behaviors." I know better. They are entirely spiritual. These are the crazy measures that men and women are willing to take when something they covet is threatened. For me, that something happens to be human intimacy -- I find it comical that I fight to defend myself from losing something that I do not possess. This fight quickly transforms me from a reasonable, rational being into an impulsive, destructive monster with no regard for anyone but myself. In the end, I sabotage myself from attaining the one thing I desire.

I'm not sure how He plans to make me well, but I want to be well. When I presume that I've healed because I'm walking in the Spirit, it cannot be put to the test until the next time I dare to move, at which point I consistently find that I have not. I don't know what else to do or how long He would have me endure this pain. I'm tired of hurting.

Tomorrow I will feel better, just as I felt fine yesterday. But I'd rather take confidence that this will one day be finished. I need this fragile hope.

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are -- yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:14-16)