ME: Seriously?At this point I realize that God has said everything He needed to say, isn’t asking for my opinion, and obedience is on me.
GOD: Yes.
ME: But women are going to think I’m crazy!
GOD: Okay?
ME: Even Christian women are going to think I’m sexist.
GOD: I created male and female. What concern is it of creation how I determine what is glorifying to me?
ME: Please don’t ask me to share this.
GOD: …
ME: I’m never getting married… You know this, right?
GOD: …
Today’s ‘this’ is about hair. That’s right, hair.
“How charmingly insignificant!” you might say.
About a month ago, a female friend and I were discussing all that ails modern pop, which led to a rant about Taylor Swift and her incapacity to write about anything but boys. I gladly offered my two cents (or in this case, three).
“Yeah. Can’t sing. Not really even attractive. She has nice hair.”
Playfully aggravated by my response, my friend asked, “What is it with guys and hair?”
Mind you, I thought I was making a neutral observation. Sure, a guy should be fair game for criticism when he makes comments about a woman’s breasts or butt, but hair? Perhaps I was unaware of a general prohibition on anything pro-T.Swift :)
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I was noting the crazy-awesome nature of a woman’s smile this past week and confessed to my roommate that I’m usually more of an “eyes guy.” He replied, “Yeah, different characteristics jump out at you depending on the woman, but have you ever been physically attracted to a woman that didn’t have nice hair?”
Admittedly, I had not.
“Right. I’ve had this conversation with a lot of guys, and I haven’t met one that didn’t consider a woman’s hair in what he finds most attractive. Nor have I met any that preferred short hair over long hair. Not to say that there aren’t attractive women with short hair, but even those women would probably be more attractive with long hair.”
I couldn’t argue with his superficial reasoning.
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Minding my own spiritual business prior to Bible Study, I skimmed through 1 Corinthians 11, fully prepared to disregard all the archaic ideas about head coverings and hair…
What’s that? Did you say hair? [Run now, Anthony!]
Like a mouse caught in a trap filled with Mini Reese’s Cup, God’s word snapped to my brain.
However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as the woman originates from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman; and all things originate from God. Judge for yourselves: is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head uncovered? Does not even nature itself teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a dishonor to him, but if a woman has long hair, it is a glory to her? For her hair is given to her for a covering. (1 Cor. 11:11-15)I thought about my good female Mennonite friends -- they cover their heads out of honor. Until this past spring, it never occurred to me that this could be accepted outside of proud legalism. By getting to know the hearts of my co-workers, I grew amazed by how humbly they wear their tiny coverings. It’s simply a part of who they are: a symbol of their femininity before a culture that has largely rejected what makes women unique. I think it’s beautiful.
Mind you, I’m not ready to convert. I’m not going to offer the conviction that women should cover their heads and men should uncover theirs -- I’ve been a hat-wearer my entire life! But I’m beginning to understand why one would lend that offering.
It was a different phrase that leaped from the page of my dog-eared companion.
Does not even nature itself…?
Five simple words transformed this passage from a lawful regulation to an eyesight of the Father. Nature itself: spiritually elemental and humanly inexplicable. These are the questions that we do not need to ask the Father, for they have been this way from the beginning. Paul is asking the Corinthians, “Do I really need to convince you that a woman’s hair demonstrates the glory of God and a man’s does not? Look at it! Even the hormones that men and women produce are catalysts for this principle!”
I began peering around the McDonald’s Playplace that hosts our study. Little ones were running about: girls with their lengthened locks danced around as they played, while the boys instinctively pressed the physical limits of the steel and plastic holding the park together. They demonstrated such joy in their play and acceptance of one another. They didn’t mind being exactly who they are.
God created them and He was glorified.
Does not even nature itself…?
We know it when we see it. I’m not talking about superficial beauty, but the kind of expression that undoubtedly points towards Him. As I thought about hair, I realized that my heart naturally gravitates towards purely feminine characteristics. They astound me! I would expect this to be the same for women regarding masculine traits. The soft reassurance of her voice, the proximity in her steps, the sensitivity of her heart… she’s the perfect companion for a grand adventure. Her beauty reminds me of Him.
The modern woman’s shedding of hair is merely a physical rejection among her uniquely feminine attributes. It doesn’t mean much in itself. A woman will often shorten her hair for practical reasons. She might believe it helps her look older, professional, or more sophisticated… less like the unassuming girl dancing around the playground. And while I wouldn’t necessarily disagree, I admit that I don’t care for any of this. Few men do -- it’s not what draws us. We spend our day wrestling with our own acceptance of masculinity and often concede to women claiming our stake. Rejection comes in pairs.
Does not even nature itself…?
Somewhere amidst our wounds we’ve decided that we’re inadequate: that we need to try a little harder and become something better. If only we were taller, thinner, more intelligent, more mature, less moody, less childlike… less us… In rejecting ourselves, we reject what is obvious to the external eye. Femininity, masculinity -- these unique representations of God that manifest themselves through creation -- they demonstrate His glory like nothing else on earth. And that makes us very good.
[Don’t I feel silly for being insecure about my receding hairline?]
13 comments:
Anthony,
Someday when we meet (whether in earth or heaven), I am going to have to give you a big high-five! Thank you so much for taking on these topics and putting them into perspective.
I'm a girl, but I have to agree - almost any woman I've seen would look better with long hair. And you're right that cutting it short is part of the rebellious tide that has swept across mankind. Just like guys wearing their hair long.
I'd say the same thing about men with long hair that you do about girls with short hair. And again, nature itself teaches us . . . that guys should keep it short. Their hair I mean. Not things like blog posts or conversations!
And yeah, your pool of potential wives may be narrowed by some of the things God has shown you, but in truth, since He has one particular set apart for you, and He is preparing her for you just as He is also preparing you for her, why should you worry that she will think you're crazy? Even if she does, what's to say she won't think she's crazy too, and like you for it?
Maybe it would help you to hear from a woman's perspective. To be honest, I do care about a guy's looks, but in the long run, I'm much more interested in what's inside. A man's heart for God is what counts with me, and the truth is that the heart will show in his face, and make any features noble.
Now, like me you don't put up pictures of yourself, but I can see your heart in your writing, and it is beautiful and noble. Any girl worth your time will appreciate the time you have taken to see these things and will probably share your thoughts to a large extent.
Press on, brother, for what God has begun in you, He will be faithful to complete.
Praying always,
~Homeschool Graduate
Your encouragement was seriously an answer to prayer on a day when I was feeling like the enemy was getting the best of me. I appreciate it more than you could know. Your words lifted my spirit and humbled my flesh at once.
It occurred to me that if God would speak this message that the converse would be true. I'm not saying that some women don't like guys with long hair, but rarely does a woman consider a guy's hair at all. It isn't meant to be honoring. A woman might see a man's broad shoulders, chiseled chin, or fiery expression and have the same recognition of God's glory.
Thanks again... I'll place that high five on layaway for the appropriate time :)
Anthony,
It often seems like you're watching my life and writing your blog posts according to what I've been thinking about and experiencing. This is yet another example.
I'm getting my haircut tomorrow morning, for the first time in a year. I've heavily considered going from my long thick hair to a little pixie cut. I've never had my hair that short before, and I know I'd miss my long hair, but the cut would be for practical reasons. A few days ago I decided to keep my hair long, and just get it trimmed because I agree with what you wrote here... it's just much more feminine.
Again, I encourage you to be who you are and sure that if you'll get married Christ will bring the right girl into your life. Why would he want you to settle for someone who doesn't compliment you in as many ways as possible? Don't be afraid to share your thoughts and keep that "shopping list" detailed. Christ certainly knows who's best for you.
I've been going through some very tough situations recently and have been feeling less and less adequate as I've been tempted to reject who I am. "If only we were taller, thinner, more intelligent, more mature, less moody, less childlike… less us…" My sad thoughts exactly. Just like you, I am afraid no one will truly like who I am so I find myself gravitating to hiding and covering up my real self. It takes courage to be who we really are.
From another lady's perspective who is extremely picky about the man she'll marry let me just tell you I've dreamt of him a long time and have never picture how he's going to look physically. Maybe that's abnormal. I notice good hands and good eyes, but really I dream of strong character and an honest, kind spirit.
(Guess what... my sister and her husband are going to be in South Bend, IN this weekend. Isn't that near where you are?)
Man, I'm tired. That didn't quite go the way I meant for it to and I don't think there's a way to edit the comment.
I meant "I've been feeling less appreciated/understood/valued for who I am." I wrote "adequate" instead, for some reason. I'll just blame it on lack of sleep.
I should be asleep myself right now. And yes: I actually work in South Bend. Tell your sister that if she's looking for the best baked goods in Northern Indiana, check us out at Main Street Coffee House. And I make a pretty mean latte if she drops by after 3 on Saturday :)
Okay, I just shot her an email she'll see tomorrow... or rather, later today. ;)
Hmmm... I don't know. I haven't quite processed how much I think this whole hair and covering and what-not thing is culture or God.
I, for one, would love to have the confidence to shave my head. And I've tried on more than one occasion to pull off a pixie cut. But I assume the reason it always ends up hideous is due more to my bone structure than the fact that women are more lovely with long hair. :]
I will be honest with you--my first impulse is to rebel against what you are saying. As you've probably already considered, there are always exceptions to the rule.
And how long is long hair? I look TERRIBLE with long hair. I feel terrible, too. Thus, I consider my hair to be of medium length. I prefer it at my shoulders and I think I'm most beautiful and confident with it there. But is this short? Of course it gets into legalism at that point, but perhaps an actual definition of what this "length" business is would be helpful. I only bring it up because your post seems to draw from the conclusion that short haired girls equal less feminine and long haired girls equal girly. It doesn't quite seem fair. :[
I also need a haircut right now, so I'm feel rather sensitive... Especially in this heat, I'd like to chop it all off without feeling like I'll be one of those ugly, undesirable girls. HAHA.
Blah blah blah what a whiny comment...
Katie, you're beautiful and undoubtedly would continue to be with or without hair. Like most of Paul's letters, it has to be understood according to the motivation of the heart, and that's not mine to determine on an individual basis. Whatever the case, I'm not presenting my word, but trying to make sense of God's. And while I understand that earthly beauty is often interpreted through a superficial lens, God determines on His own what is honoring. Men's taste in hair isn't any more of an authority than woman's choice to display individuality, but I do believe that God often gives us the privilege of identifying him in physical ways, and Paul describes hair as one of these things.
I would ask that if your first impulse is to rebel that you determine what (or whom) you are rebelling against. If it is a degrading or oppressive word from man, have at it: I presented that fear from the beginning when I studied this word, and was the very reason I didn't want to share this. However, if it is a passage that you have previously given little weight, I would recommend you give it your time before forming conclusions. That is the primary purpose for my own engagement in this study. I respect your thoughts and would love to have the conversation based on what God is saying (and who we know Him to be) rather than what we prefer.
Dude, I was speaking tongue-in-cheek about the rebellion thing. :] But your first paragraph is appreciated. ^_^ I think Paul would like Taylor Swift's hair too. haha
Thanks for the clarification, I don't want to be a butt... your humor is much easier to interpret when I can hear the accusatory voice I spoke of in regards to Taylor's hair :) Miss you.
P.S. Paul TOTALLY would have dug Taylor's hair.
My sister and her husband are home now. I asked if she went to the coffee shop where you work. She was sad to say "no." She said she had every intention to go, but forgot. Their time in Indiana was extremely hectic with her husband being the best man in a wedding and trying to pack in as much time with his college friends as possible. Maybe they'll go back sometime and visit the shop then.
Hair is a fun and interesting topic...
One time I was in Contextualization class talking about different cultures and the reason behind what they do... I asked, "seriously, what is it about the whole covering the hair in the Arabic culture thing. I mean, I understand the idea of being modest, but really? Is covering my hair going to be modest?" I was astounded by all of the guys heads nodding, until finally my Professor said do you ever see supermodels with bald heads, or commercials of women without hair trying to sell something? No, hair is naturally something that makes women attractive. This was eye opening to me.
I think that if anyone really stepped back and thought about it,they would come to the same conclusion. Even as a girl, when one of my friends has amazing hair I notice and admire it. It truly is something that makes a woman more feminine, there is a graciousness, and beauty that comes from the hair (whether we admit it or not)- like you said even nature tell us.
I rebelled once by cutting my hair off. I knew that my hair was something that was enjoyed by my then ex-fiancee (now husband- God worked it out), so I decided that I would take a stand and show him that I was not making any effort to make him desire me, so I told the beautician to cut it as short as she wanted and though she asked me seven different times if I really wanted this, she cut off the 14 inches of my hair and gave me a short A line cut. I felt like it was what I needed to do... but I will say that I still miss my hair... it curled so much better long, but it always grows back :)
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Anthony. Don't fear in sharing what God shows you, for his truth will not change His plan and purposes and timing for you and the wife that God has prepared for you.
I adore long hair. But I've also shaved my head. Each carries difficulties. With the shaved head, I constantly doubted my attractiveness. My questionable decision to shave my head is constantly questioned by others. Simply put, it was a step from brokenness to deeper trust in Christ. And it was tough. However, there were many good growing moments given. I'm currently 2 years growth into long hair. I got two compliments a lot while my head was shaved: "your eyes are stunning" and "you have a nicely shaped head." The second always amused me greatly. You can't compliment my hair so you compliment my head shape?!
I agree with what you write about hair. And yet, I shall probably always mess around with the length. I liked it short. and I like it long. But, for now, long locks, here i come.
hm. yep. and good luck with the marriage thing.
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