Praise the Lord -- we had a good day at work!
I left Wednesday night exhausted after my first marathon of days. Having endured three straight 12-hour shifts with a smile on my face, the girls saved their worst day for my last. Whatever level of success I might feel working with at-risk teens, the bad day can make me feel like a complete failure. Having to go back to work on my birthday, I was praying for a little comfort.
So I spent #33 working "girls night": an evening of primping, hair styling, and picture taking. Doesn't that beat all? The girls were beaming with confidence as they dressed up one another, while the lone male could do nothing but laugh and lend compliments for their fashion show.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is my life :)
I admit, there are days when it's hard not to evaluate myself according to the world's standard. When I do, it feels as if my life is traveling in reverse. Achieving ministerial "status" is what many believers work towards, and I've spent the past five years working away from it. Engaging Christ like a child means dismissing the idea that I am the one with something to offer.
This is the battle within me: one day reaching to the past for my sense of worth, the next progressing in faith behind closed doors as my legend dissipates. I've heard Christians say that they want to leave a legacy. Well, I did that by age 25; it's a chasing of the wind. We ought to desire leaving something that doesn't require us to look back -- we ought to bear fruit.
If my quieter life makes more reproducing disciples than the number of kids that answered my altar calls, isn't that a better story? If I had died years ago, the eulogy would have been substantial, but my ministry would have perished along with that pile of flesh. Today, my funeral would gather a handful of family and friends, but my spiritual descendants could be like the stars!
Why do I forget this? Why does my flesh covet the 300 "Happy Birthdays" that my former self would warrant? Why does social prostitution appear more gratifying than His will?
My struggle is tied to His Presence. The minute I see His wonderful face, the concerns of this world are ripped to shreds. They all seem so silly, so arbitrary. However, when I forget that my heavenly body has yet to be worn, I pledge allegiance to my past.
With my celebrations and feasting behind me, tomorrow is another day closer to eternity: a day without end. If by this fact alone, today is better than yesterday -- tomorrow is better yet. Its goodness is not conditioned by my work success or the relative importance of one calendar square. In the morning, October 10 will draw me closer to His Presence than my birthday has, and that will be glorious.
3 comments:
I like this post. Happy birthday! It's also my younger sister's birthday today. :)
Anthony,
I'm smiling over your statement that "Engaging Christ like a child means dismissing the idea that I am the one with something to offer." On occasion I have to remember that, but more often I have to remember to be the child who is infinitely ready for anything. So often I'm the one who's afraid to try new things because I want everything I do to be the best, but God only wants us to step out and do, and He will make it best.
More to the point of your post, I have never seen any evidence of an evangelistic gifting in my life, so my witness is primarily through the everyday life Christ is living in me. Since that's the case, I really don't see any kind of "legacy" being built. And this does not bother me because I know that God uses different kinds of vessels for different purposes. Everyone wants to be the useful pitcher or the beautiful vase, but God also has a use for the little jam jars and even the broken flower pots. We have a tendency to want to be something other than what God made us to be, but as you've found, when we turn our eyes on Him instead of comparing ourselves to others, we grow content to be what He made us.
Belated birthday blessings from one who has been encouraged by your blog! May God continue to show you His richness in the days ahead.
~Homeschool Graduate
Laurel Anne: Thanks...Happy Birthday to your little sister as well! Even though my birthday has lost some luster over the years, I am incredibly thankful that it falls in early October. Indiana is most beautiful in autumn, and the trees are displaying a billion colors right now.
I also discovered that one of the kids at work shares my birthday, and when I told her, she gave me some of her cake! I'm not a huge cake eater, but it was wonderfully thoughtful for a 15-year-old :)
HSG: While I think that we all need to be intentional about sharing our faith, God has certainly given us different vehicles to serve the Great Commission. At the end of 1 Cor. 12, Paul suggests that we should "seek the greater gifts." But the context and original language imply that the "greater" gift is the one "most useful." God has gifted us with diversity because the gift presented in love -- i.e. "the most excellent way" (12:31) -- is used with others in mind, rather than for our own gratification.
I think it's normal to be enamored by the gifts that we lack, because God would have us admire and give honor to the parts of His Body that complement us. I've always had a magnetic pull towards a meek and gentle heart that shepherds the broken to a greater understanding of Christ. I know that to do my work, the complementary vessel is necessary, and I feel handicapped when I cannot lean upon those gifts. God has also given me a heavy heart to protect and encourage the "little jam jars." :)
The complete image of His Bride is so beautiful when it functions purely for His glory. For this reason, it fills me with joy that you serve as the vessel He's created you to be!
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